headlines

so i went over to the local groovy papers website this morning to check the personals. why? well i am a glutton for punishment. let's review the headlines and infer some meaning.

"looking for cut men only" - i wish i could say that this meant athletic, but it doesn't. he also shares that he doesn't have teeth. pass.

"DTE 4 friends & more" - i don't know what DTE means. and i hate the use of 4 insubstitution of for. pass.

"come on everyone needs someone?" - if you are asking the question then the answer is no. you stink of desperation. buy a cat. pass.

"Intelligent, Laid Back, Adventurous" - it's like resume writing time. pass.

"Passionate Intelligent Open Crazy Artist" - um, what the fuck is "open" doing in your headline. did you just miss the "ly". that would make more sense. anyway, i don't do crazy anymore. pass.

"Classy bum" - fuck this. you are a stuck up unemployed person? good thing you live in burlington. pass.

"Hello...just looking..." - okay then why did you create a profile? pass.

"Stark Raving Mad but hanginon" - please don't stop taking your meds. seriously, why are people so willing to share their mental disorders in personals? pass.

"ISO Another Laid Back Guy" - the headline is fine. i might even be interested. however, the photo doesn't not show a 24 year old's face. more like a 44 year old's face. both ages do not interest me.

"Woodstove heart looking for fuel" - clever but does this mean that you are so rustic you don't have a central heating system that does not require walking out to the wood pile? i'm concerned. further, do you sprinkle all your comments with this sort of rustic simile? pass.

"Looking for Romance and LTR" - ugh. pass.

"Crunchy on the inside" - aren't you supposed to be soft and loving on the inside? i'd prefer not to date someone who is nice on the outside and a bitch on the inside. but you are cute, so that's good. pass.

"Looking for a good catch" - boring. funny though because his photo looks like a beached mammal. pass.