slade lives

since june, ehe?

2009-10-29T08:10:00.003-05:00

for your consideration

2009-06-30T09:45:00.001-05:00

babies are cute. the produce things that are not cute.

i like owning a house. you know why? you can paint on the walls.

toes!

2009-06-25T17:32:00.003-05:00

a rant

2009-06-19T07:41:00.002-05:00

so i got the "you('re) incredibly wonderful, kind and sweet. but for people like us it('s) a matter of finding the person made for us. i am not sure but doubt that i am the one for you and vice versa."

via text. perhaps he is right.

fucking singledom plague. i wonder how i caught it.

it is not an urban legend

2009-06-09T10:26:00.004-05:00

no one ever believed me. now i have definitive proof.

Yes, there is something wrong with my cat. But at least the dog never woke up.

Amelia's First "Solid Food" Meal

2009-06-09T10:05:00.003-05:00

headlines

2009-06-04T08:11:00.002-05:00

so i went over to the local groovy papers website this morning to check the personals. why? well i am a glutton for punishment. let's review the headlines and infer some meaning.

"looking for cut men only" - i wish i could say that this meant athletic, but it doesn't. he also shares that he doesn't have teeth. pass.

"DTE 4 friends & more" - i don't know what DTE means. and i hate the use of 4 insubstitution of for. pass.

"come on everyone needs someone?" - if you are asking the question then the answer is no. you stink of desperation. buy a cat. pass.

"Intelligent, Laid Back, Adventurous" - it's like resume writing time. pass.

"Passionate Intelligent Open Crazy Artist" - um, what the fuck is "open" doing in your headline. did you just miss the "ly". that would make more sense. anyway, i don't do crazy anymore. pass.

"Classy bum" - fuck this. you are a stuck up unemployed person? good thing you live in burlington. pass.

"Hello...just looking..." - okay then why did you create a profile? pass.

"Stark Raving Mad but hanginon" - please don't stop taking your meds. seriously, why are people so willing to share their mental disorders in personals? pass.

"ISO Another Laid Back Guy" - the headline is fine. i might even be interested. however, the photo doesn't not show a 24 year old's face. more like a 44 year old's face. both ages do not interest me.

"Woodstove heart looking for fuel" - clever but does this mean that you are so rustic you don't have a central heating system that does not require walking out to the wood pile? i'm concerned. further, do you sprinkle all your comments with this sort of rustic simile? pass.

"Looking for Romance and LTR" - ugh. pass.

"Crunchy on the inside" - aren't you supposed to be soft and loving on the inside? i'd prefer not to date someone who is nice on the outside and a bitch on the inside. but you are cute, so that's good. pass.

"Looking for a good catch" - boring. funny though because his photo looks like a beached mammal. pass.

2009-05-22T11:52:00.005-05:00

good afternoon blog. this post is dedicated to all things amelia and knit for amelia. the easter hoodie and car seat snuggie by grammy. blanket and pink cowl by daddy.

mskr afgan square

2009-04-21T14:36:00.001-05:00

Amelia

2009-02-10T10:10:00.001-05:00

Announcing the arrival of Amelia Hope! She's pretty awesome. Oh yeah, and I knit that blanket and hat.

sputnik

2009-01-26T13:52:00.002-05:00

well, he is named after something russian, so why not?

Fire Completed

2009-01-09T15:31:00.001-05:00

finally, the big Fire & Ice results (plus the awesome hat for Amiah made by Mom)

2009-01-08T09:10:00.003-05:00

grrrr...

2009-01-04T10:12:00.002-05:00

okay, i am being bad about posting new stuff on here, but oh well. i do have photos of a few projects, i just need to get off my butt and upload them, once i actually download them from the camera.

in the meantime i am going to use today to determine if i am alone and bitter about it. for some reason the parting blow of an idiot is making me a little crazy obsessive about if it was accurate.

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-03T12:16:00.001-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

boogers

2008-11-10T09:29:00.002-05:00

ah the weekend is over.

friday night was the emotion-suppressing-dancing-and-drinking-with-lesbians night. you know, my favorite thing to do that thankfully occurs once each month. i know that they get all bitter when you call it womyn's night (the event sponsors)but just like g.w.'s legacy you cannot change historical reference. plus i love womyn's night! it is always awesome with tons of people and great music - not the "music" that lacks scales which is popular in gay clubs across the world.

saturday was the emotion-suppressing-shopping-with-best-friend-jen day. i bought what i lovingly refer to as "jew dishes" because they were being sold for channukkah. i totally bought a whole set and they rock! "why the blue and white?" i asked everyone. well: "Blue and white are the colors of a Tallit (prayer shawl), and the Israeli flag, which symbolizes a Star of David on a Tallit. In the Bible, the Israelites are commanded to have some of the threads of their Tallit dyed blue to remind them of the sky and God." now we are all better people for this knowledge.

sunday was the day of hell called tech. i stood for very long periods of time while lights were set and microphones were positioned. then i took a pill and went to bed.

now it is monday. i am at work. my emotion suppressing activities did not really help the under laying problems, but hopefully as time passes the first issue will lessen and the second issue will be resolved by medical tests. then the world will be good.

Halloween

2008-11-03T11:35:00.005-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

2008-10-31T13:42:00.001-05:00

Josh meets Sophie Anne

2008-10-28T13:18:00.001-05:00

So I went to NYC. You saw the photos. I saw Gypsy starring Patty LuPone. She was awesome, but she has nothing on this little bundle of sweetness I finally had the honor of meeting.

Pumpkin Hat & Random Scarf

2008-10-28T09:47:00.002-05:00

NYC & Philly

2008-10-28T09:42:00.003-05:00

Fire

2008-10-14T08:24:00.002-05:00

So my mom and I am in a competition for the coolest scarf representing Fire or Ice. Yeah, I am going to get my ass handed to me...but whatever. Here is the beginning of my Fire:

Clifford Street

2008-10-14T08:20:00.002-05:00

Les Misbarack

2008-10-14T07:20:00.000-05:00

This may be the best thing in the world...

happy birthday to me...someday

2008-09-23T13:33:00.001-05:00

Miss Brown Hill West 2008

2008-09-03T07:16:00.002-05:00

It was a good night! Check out the photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/joshuamslade/MBHW2008

Last year's winner gave another stellar performance (or three) and gracefully, well as gracefully as she could, gave away her title. Before the bobby pins holding the crown on Miss 2008 could take hold, our dowenger queen, Miss 2007, announced her retirement from pageants in a surprising twist of events. Even after praises from the masses and the repetative mantra "you love me, you really love me" Miss 2007 could not be swayed. Well, that is until Miss 2008 pushed Miss 2007 away from the spotlight, our new queen began her reign.

Until next year folks.

Sputnik in the City

2008-08-13T08:07:00.005-05:00

Gene chomping on a coveted almond horn.

Sputnik checking out the street.

And now....local street artwork.

Olivia's Doll

2008-08-13T07:59:00.002-05:00

So after nearly a year of on and off knitting this project is essentially done. I decided not to make the Eco-Fairie in its full glory rather I changed it to be a "Modern Girl" which is really code for "got lazy and sick of tiny tiny needles and stitches." Regardless the finished project is great, cute and cuddly. The best part is that the outfits can be made quickly and out of swatches. The outfits are great ways to practice new techniques, etc. This doll is made from knit, crochet and needlepoint. I practiced a variety of knit stitches including my first two color work (not pictured, but there is a red heart on the chest...love heart, not beating Jesus heart).

Baby "Shirt"

2008-08-08T07:32:00.002-05:00

So this is the same pattern for the baby hoodie that I've made a few of except I decided to keep the hood and sleeves off since it is summer and the baby is here. I figured it would get more use if it wasn't a hot sweater.

2008-06-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

The Bachelor

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master (DGSM)

Straight-up. Studly. Congratulations, you are The Bachelor.

You're an honest, good-thinking guy, and though you're very sexually active, people don't perceive you as a male-slut or man-whore or guy-dick-putter-inner or whatever. You have a sterling reputation.

You're a careful person, perhaps too much so for your friends' tastes, but guys like that in you. You probably don't kiss & tell. And you definitely don't brag. You know you don't have to prove anything to anyone. It's as if you believe in monogamy, so long as it's with lots of different people.

Our guess is that you've got some kind of word-of-mouth going with the boys out there, and that in the future, your sex partners will get even more plentiful, and more attractive, too.

You will settle down eventually, and make an excellent husband. You seem like the type who is into the idea of making copies of yourself, so you'll probably adopt kids. Bear in mind, meanwhile, this can get expensive.

ALTERNATE ENDING: You will die broke and alone. Vermin will feast on your ragged body for five days before the groundskeeper notices. The thing is, when somebody dies in a public restroom, the natural odor of his decomposing flesh is often masked by the feces smell.

Your exact male opposite:

The Manchild

Random Brutal Love Dreamer

Always avoid: The Manchild (RBLD)

Consider: The Bachelor (DGSM), The Backrubber (DGSD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - dating services | Dating
My profile name: : Vtgroovy

OMG

2008-06-26T12:33:00.000-05:00

funny thing. i just was looking at personal ads (that's not the funny part) and saw someone's age as 31. i thought, well that is kind of old but whatever. then i realized that the dude is only one year older than me...oh boy.

2008-06-26T11:20:00.001-05:00

The False Messiah

Deliberate Brutal Love Master (DBLM)

People believe in you, and then you send them to hell. Behold, the False Messiah.

You're usually a very kind person, and conscientious, too. Socially, you're a leader, and your friends and associates look up to you. In intimate relationships, you're a capable, responsive, and experienced lover. Outside the box, however, you run into trouble.

Guys fall hard for you, but you're much more ambivalent about them. The beginnings of your relationships are unusually intense, making it all the rougher on her when they end. At first, using all your accumulated tricks of the trade, you ladle on the affection. But once he's all covered in soup, you withhold the true napkins of commitment. What's that all about? We should've called you the False Waiter.

You're looking for Love. But history tells us you struggle to settle down and accept it. There's a deep streak of carnality within you. And while you'll never be a predator, you'll always fight the urge to roam free. You like to plan things out, so plan this: find someone who can indulge your selfish side, has a healthy sexual appetite, and doesn't mind uncertainty.

Your exact male opposite:

The Poolboy

Random Gentle Sex Dreamer

Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD), The Boy Next Door (RGLD)

Consider: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Loverboy (RGLM), The Billy Goat (DBSD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - free online dating | Dating
My profile name: : Vtgroovy

condom marketing

2008-06-26T07:47:00.001-05:00

some ideas for "First Date Kits"

summer breezes

2008-06-26T07:18:00.003-05:00

tons of projects

2008-06-06T08:03:00.002-05:00

do you ever... (totally not a knitting post)

2008-06-05T09:11:00.003-05:00

do you ever tire of "introspection?" what i mean is searching yourself, finding your motivation for actions, social interactions, personal quirks, etc. i think i have finally tired of it.

after a fairly short, but fruitful, experience with therapy a few years ago i decided to spend a lot of time thinking about myself. not in the fun filled egotistical way of getting everything i wanted, but in ways that were supposedly more constructive and would yield for a better understanding of why i am the way i am. totally intellectual elitism at its absolute peak, if you ask me. but, hell, i am from new england, isn't this why the rest of the country hates us?

what did i learn? well, first and foremost i learned to prioritize myself because i was getting tired of not feeling like i had enough time for myself. that was all well and good however it made me a bit of a hermit which is apparently social suicide. then i decided that i needed to broaden my understanding of other people by interacting with them first hand. how did that turn out?

well, about half of my friends think that i do not like them. based on recent presidential polls i am still better than g.w. bush, but in a small community with big city aspirations 50% is not really a good rating. so, why then do my friends think i do not like them.

well it all boils down to one very specific personality trait. i do not like to share my feelings with people with whom i do not have a 100% solid relationship. it is not necessarily because i do not trust them or because i am clammed up, it is because i just do not feel the need to constantly express my woes or problems to people that i see on an irregular basis and who do not know me well enough to really offer meaningful (albeit well intentioned)advice.

i know that sounds completely jackass but what good has ever come from telling others about your problems without first establishing a friendship? in modern america we meet lots of people through a variety of means including the internet. internet communication allows a person to be removed from their emotions enough that they are often willing to divulge more information about themselves than they typically would in person. (my blog is a prime example of this behavior.) but this kind of "free information" has transformed into an expectation of typical daily interaction between acquiantances.

in my opinion we have all grown up with a variety of experiences that have shaped our worlds and our perspective on the world around us including others. my experiences have made me more private and less socially gregarious. i like to think of myself as a balance to the rest of the worlds constant airing of issues, resentments, problems, divorces, heartaches, deaths, loves, affairs, flings, addictions and ailments. sure i talk about these things especially when they are monumental, but i do not want to pour myself over every item on a laundry list to elicite some kind of superficial friendship based on sharing.

so somehow this quirk or trait created the impression that i do not like other people because i simply wasn't overly open with them. what to do? nothing really can be done except for me to continue to be myself. that is what i've learned through a few years of inspecting the reflection in the looking glass which at this point has become as tiresome as political commercials.

omg!

2008-06-05T08:21:00.001-05:00

okay, this might be the funniest commercial in the world.

urgent

2008-05-28T12:34:00.000-05:00

photos from easton mountain

2008-05-19T13:54:00.001-05:00

best mom ever and men's knitting retreat

2008-05-19T09:16:00.003-05:00

okay, i think the best way to approach this entry is a chronological recap of my weekend hitting highlights.

friday morning, 6:30 a.m. the alarm sounds.
6:31 a.m. i wake up
Ha, just kidding. that would be too evil even for me. friday was awesome. i had way too much coffee at work which partnered with the excitement of going to knitting retreat created this impish smile on my face and way too many moments lost to nonwork related activities. but noon came and i picked up sputnik to head to my parents house and then greenwich (like sandwich but green instead of sand).

my mom gave me my sweater on friday. OMG it is probably the nicest knitted object i've ever received. she did an amazing job on it. she even did these extra things to it so that it would be perfect for her very anal rententive son. god i love my mom.

after that it was off to the knitting retreat at easton mountain in greenwich, new york. first i'd like to say that greenwich is the only town in new york state that i think is pretty. seriously, i am a vermonter who is extremely snobby about new york, but greenwich and the immediate area surrounding it is lovely. perhaps it is the lack of strip malls...

the knitting retreat was great. it is hard to qualify it with simple sentences. first, i'd like to say that i was totally comfortable with everyone there. people were super sweet and friendly. i am typically a social idiot, but i found a nice cozy corner, sat and chatted with whomever sat nearby. this was the best approach and i made some great friends.

the food. wow, the food was fantastic. usually i go on trips and i plan on eating whatever doesn't have meat thereby limiting myself to bread, salad and maybe a veggie side dish. this place had equal opportunity dining and it was done wonderfully well. my only issue was a distrinct lack of milk/soy milk to drink. but that was the smallest issue. they had curried tofu! who can complain? really.

let's see what else? oh i met a nice boy from mass who i've chatted with on ravelry. he was pretty entertaining. i also met a great dude from one of those Carolina states who now lives in upstate NY. he taught me to crochet (or croquet as i like to call it).

hmmm...i guess that is probably all for now. i can get into the whole spiritual element of aging as a gay man and having to reinvent yourself in a youth obsessed culture, but i'd rather not for today.

what a weekend

2008-05-05T07:13:00.004-05:00

so may is my insane month of events each weekend. this weekend kicked it all off with green up day, queer prom and a lovely date with my buddy jen.

to the photos:

Camel Toads...hee hee hee

2008-05-01T15:21:00.000-05:00

what to do about mother's day?

2008-04-30T07:01:00.004-05:00

sometimes i wish it were as simple as slapping together a breakfast and bringing it upstairs for the classic "breakfast in bed - aren't i cute" routine of my youth. now i need to come up with other stuff that is good and relatively thoughtful. since i am busy being selfish with knitting and making stuff for myself i thought this might be a good time to try something else that i haven't done in a long time - painting.
there are two paintings. one is bad. i will probably continue to work on it and try to get it cool. the other is acceptable and about 50% completed. you might notice it is signed. that is because it was complete before i had the brilliant idea (no really i am happy with the idea) to darken the canvas with a wash. so now i need to do more touching up and bring back some of the detail. anyway since i will most likely forget to photo it upon completion i thought i'd do it now.

dog park fun

2008-04-23T08:15:00.004-05:00

yeah, i am an ass. i always make gene pick up the poop...

newest knitting project - done

2008-04-23T07:23:00.003-05:00

long time no write

2008-04-07T06:55:00.002-05:00

okay blog reader here is a brand spanking new post just for you.

first let me explain that knitting has consumed my life. it is rather sad but at the same time wonderful. because ravelry signed it's soul to the devil named flickr i have to have a flickr account which is available for the viewing: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23082114@N05/

this is where you can see my awesome creations...or at least the ones that i remember to photo and upload.

so i saw doctor dude. i went to dyke night on friday and he was there. we had a nice little talk. nothing too crazy even though i still do like him a bit especially when i get to interact with him. anywoo he is still fucked up about his breakup. apparently even his parents tell him it is messed up. but who am i too judge too critically. i mean i was the one who took well over a year to get over my stupid relationship. and wasn't it a sex in the city thing - you mourn the passing of the relationship for 1/2 the time of the actual relationship? so, i did well. gene and i were together for 5 years...i mourned for two years. doctor dude was in a 1 year deal...it's been about, oh, i don't know. anyway, it was a good talk. then the awkwardness.

do you remember the weird first kiss? the go in, no back up, go in, no back up kiss? yeah, well welcome weird goodbye hug. same general idea. he's like, "well i am going to go home." i say goodbye and immediately go for a hug (i was a bit tipsy). then i think, oh he isn't doing hugs, but then he goes but by this time i am retreating. so he retreats but i am starting again. ugh. AWFUL.

bad blogger...

2008-03-24T12:42:00.006-05:00

it is a knitting post...

This is my Half-Pipe Hat from Son of Stitch n Bitch. I took the picture of myself early in the morning...so the bags under my eyes are a nice touch :)

This is the Hoodie-Scarf. Love it. Same yarn as the hat except a different color. (Well the hat has this color under the brim...)

hats for orphans

2008-03-04T10:11:00.003-05:00

my sweater be done

2008-03-03T11:48:00.001-05:00

ugh...

2008-02-21T11:26:00.004-05:00

okay today is an ugh day. not one of those horrible ugh days like some in the past, just general ugh. a lot has happened lately...so where to start?

drag ball! it was awesomely fun! i paniced on friday about my lack of an outfit and called my friend moretti. he was gracious enough to invite me over to work on my outfit and drink wine. we created a great costume. see picture. the ball itself was terrific. there were tons of people present!!! seriously a billion it seemed. i lasted in my outfit for a couple of hours, but ended up shedding most of it and running around the rest of the night in the micro mini, tights and a grey tux coat. this was more comfortable than the waist sincher.

knitting is awesome. (see previous post) i've finished my mom's sweater and sent it to her. she really likes it which is great. it is a little big on her, but it will shrink a bit when she washes it plus it was made to be cozy and roomy. as far as the knitting itself it looks pretty good. there are a few mistakes, but the average person will only catch one of them simply because of its place on the garment.

my new sweater is going really fast because it is boring old stockinette stitch mixed with one cable. i am still trying to figure out how to finish it. i am thinking of sewing up the middle (two seams, one on each side of a zipper) and then cutting it. this will put the cable in the original intended spot and solve the strip match up issue...more to come :) for now i work on the sleeves. once the sleeves are done though i have to decide so that i can attach the sleeves in the correct spot.

i need to go on a date. i had great dates with doctor guy, but apparently that wasn't right. of course i still see him on dating websites so i am curious about the story. i think he paniced. or decided against me. whatever. i suppose i shouldn't have time for these things. but, also, i enjoyed having dates. i would like to do that again some day before i am 90 years old.

a knitting post

2008-02-21T11:23:00.001-05:00

My knitting projects:

1. the new sweater being made for ME!

2. the awesome scarf i've had on all winter

3. the first sweater ever (without buttons at the top) made for my mom...yeah, i rock ;)

my new favorite insult

2008-01-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

"you are a jerk off. a wasted jerk off. like the ones right before you end up meeting someone and want to have sex but you cannot because you just jerked off. yes, that is you."

i mean, how great is that? seriously. sometimes a simple "fuck you" just doesn't resonate the way that you want it to clang around in their head. sometimes you just have to pull out a nice metaphor/simile...whatever.

mom's sweater

2008-01-11T09:54:00.000-05:00

new knitting project. uses Noro Silk Garden 211 & Berroco Ultra Alpaca 6287. the sweater will be for my mom. i am using a pattern i found on knitty.com for a men's sweater, but i have modified a little bit. first i am using smaller needles (one size), the smallest size listed in the pattern, and i will probably adjust the neck configuration.

ehe, whatever

2007-12-31T11:58:00.000-05:00

okay, so apparently i will make one more post this year :) i just signed up to get a ravelry account. this is some new knitting forum that is apparently "the bomb" and yes, i just used that phrase. so here is my information:

You signed up on Today
You are #77744 on the list.
5997 people are ahead of you in line.
0 people are behind you in line.
92% of the list has been invited so far

it is kinda exciting for a knitting freak (or phreak). anyway, i look forward to sharing information with other knitters, etc.

let's see...are there any other 90's catch phrases i want to use today? nah. happy new year.

This is the scarf I am knitting. It is in the round. A pattern taken from "Men with balls"

the end of a year

2007-12-28T11:06:00.000-05:00

so i guess i need to write the big new year's eve entry reflecting on the past year. oh, what a year it was!

notable items:
1. lead role in a play
2. new job, well an old job that was supposed to lead into a great new job but the plan backfired and i am a secretary with limited responsibility and authority basically surfing through my work days waiting for something slightly challenging and interesting to come my way
3. spit beer into a date's face by accident
4. decided to adopt a child against the cronic advice of all those around me (for the most part although i did have a few supporters)
5. flew in an airplane a few times...oh wait...no that was last year. this year i finally took an overnight train trip which was fun although slightly smelly
6. figured out that my cat is from hell and probably the loins of satan himself (ever wonder why feminists don't insist that satan is a woman, just god?)

what to do in the year to come?
many people will spend new year's eve making promises to themselves regarding weightloss, quitting some vice like smoking, gambling or prostitution, or moving on to a bigger and better life. i will probably do the same in some drunken moment outside of nectar's smoking a cigarette and cursing my crappy career. then i, like every other idiot, will promptly forget my promise and push it off for another year (or infinity). but this year to come does offer promise and change.

the adoption will hopefully happen in the upcoming year. that would definately be nice. but as time passes i wonder more and more if i am doing the right thing. should i really venture down this path especially after a series of hard knocks financially and personally. is this really the right time or am i just being selfish?

my job needs to change in this upcoming year. i really cannot muster the strength to continue sitting on my ass in my office waiting for some work to pass my way. and at this point in time i realize that i am doing the whole job. there isn't something i am missing or neglecting. it really is just the world's easiest job for a stupid amount of money.

ah money. this year i really do need to get a grib on finances. who else in the world makes close to my annual income and lives paycheck to paycheck? i mean really!?! it is stupid that i am constantly broke even though i have discovered where i am pissing away cash (doggie daycare, car payment and too many books/yarn purchases). so this year i will hopefully get a financial grip. should be exciting. although i am sure i will be lulled into a false sense of security by the gift and keep up my spendthift ways. or perhaps i will lull someone into a relationship and take their income too.

relationship. yeah, who the fuck knows? every possible lead into a potential relationship ends before it starts. i think it is probably because i am an asshole, but who knows? maybe there is someone out there who can tolerate and love a person who is controlling, oddly cruel, moody and boring. but i am not that bad...well, not all the time. i guess it is just the occasional mood and the occasional mean joke that gets folks. they just cannot handle it. which is understandable. oh well, i'll hold out hope.

what else this year? i think this year i will get back to basics. i think i'd like to go camping some. perhaps find a new hobby with the woods.

so, yeah, happy 2008. i know it is a bit early but i also know that i am probably not going to write again until the new year.

a photo post

2007-11-18T14:42:00.000-05:00

bad blogger...knitting

2007-11-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

okay...so i am turning back into a bad blogger. terribly sorry :)

on a positive note i found a whole bunch of awesome knitting sites today:

http://www.knitty.com/ which has loads of free and cool patterns! i started a binder with projects for my eventual knitting group

http://www.menwhoknit.com/ seems cool. plus it has links to other's websites which is nice.

oh, and http://www.potterybarnkids.com/ has a bunch of cool stuff that i didn't know about. for some reason i thought they only had a different site http://www.landofnod.com/ which i didn't like as much.

so, yeah, instead of blogging i am surfing the web. honestly, a baby needs to come soon otherwise i am going to turn into a freak. oh and enjoy the cartoon.

some logos

2007-11-13T09:24:00.000-05:00

so because i am borderline recluse, gene insists that i need to attend these meetings at teh RU12? community center in burlington. the group is called "glam" which is (of course) an acronym for gay leasurely activities for men. yeah...i wasn't there that day...

so i got bored and decided to attempt a few logos for the group. now, all you photoshop, publisher, designer, etc freaks, the only program i have at work to do this stuff is microsoft paint...so they lack a certain refinement.

sometimes things are just dark...

2007-11-12T10:58:00.000-05:00

so last week, well, actually partly the week prior, i had this weird moment when i realized that indeed i am skipping out on part of my life. i think it was when i was reflecting so much on the life and times of my friends' mom who passed away and how much she lived. then i thought about my own life and what i am doing that one day i can look back on and say, "hey, i did that."

so what is it that i can do? well, i could run away to join the peace corps like i always wanted to do or i could switch my job to something where i am not a low level bureaucrat trying to make a difference but without the ability to do anything.

additionally i think i am finally done with burlington and this little world. this is the hardest part for me because i am so in love with my friends, but i also know that i just cannot be happy here anymore. there is so much that i miss. quiet nights, not locking my doors on the car, not worrying about the dog running into a street and just relaxing. of course that is partnered with my inability to sit in one place for longer than 30 minutes...so you get my confusion.

i actually thought about leaving a lot this past weekend. i could find something else to do in the world. i could join the peace corps and leave in a month. (of course i would fly back instantly were i to get the baby call) oddly enough the part i worry about the most is leaving my dog. i couldn't leave my sputnik for an entire year. so maybe i just need to find my adventure here.

i guess i just do not want to die someday and not leave a legacy. or at least not leave an interesting legacy. right now all i have is that i lived. pretty fucked up thing to focus on, ehe?

a weekend of reflection, sadness and celebration

2007-11-05T11:09:00.000-05:00

it was a weekend for sure. i left on friday to go to a job site in manchester which just sort of happened. normally my duties do not involve job site visits but i think my boss was giving me a break which was greatly appreciated. so i watched module houses being lifted into place. infill housing is great and affordable housing is my deal, so i love it, but the change from a single family home on a few acres to a large development of condos (albeit nice ones) is strange. kind of sad...but that is life. actually, this blog entry is tied together around the theme of change and letting go if you really look at the underlying theme.

after that i stopped quickly at my grandfather's house. my uncle and his family are moving into it. the entire second floor is torn apart because my uncle is rehabing it for the family. my grandfather will live there for a bit longer and then he is going to live somewhere else i guess...no news on that yet. the house will benefit from the rehab work though. it will also be nice that a new generation is going to grow up there and hopefully keep the house in the family.

apparently the barn is being sold. my great uncle was always the sell out of the family at least from a land point of view. he is the one who sold my greatgrandparents house to some obscure cousin. whatever. but now he is selling the barn. i suggested strongly to my mom that she buy it and use the wood to construct the barn that they need at their new house. this hopefully will happen, otherwise i am going to have to build a barn on my land down there...which i am not quite ready to commit to doing. perhaps i could use it as the foot print of the house? who knows.

then dorset. lots and lots of dorset. lots and lots of sadness.

to you

2007-11-01T07:34:00.000-05:00

i do not even remember the first time i met you partly because it seem i always knew you and partly because it wasn't necessarily the genesis of what i grew accustomed to know as a friendship that i could depend on as much as i depend on that from my family.

there were moments in my life that you probably do not realize the impact of upon my growth as a person and member of society. moments whereupon you asked me to be true to myself in answering your questions about life, work, actions and intentions. sure that sounds heady for someone who wasn't directly responsible for my development in society but it developed through a tremendous amount of respect that i recognized i held early on in our relationship.

you were the one who asked me why i didn't date your daughter even though you were the same person who naturally unsurprisedly declared, "yeah so?" when that same daughter convinced me to tell you that i was dating a boy for the first time. you provided in those moments a secure sense of acceptance regardless of my fleeting love interests during youth regardless of the gender that caught my eye.

you were the person who i wanted to impress with piano playing because i was once told by another daughter that if i was going to play for you i had better play like i mean it otherwise it wasn't worth playing.

you encouraged me in a way that was not your responsibility. you asked me questions about my path in life during talks in the kitchen. you gave me those withering looks that simultaniously made me quake and think of better ideas. your honesty in response to my thoughts, actions, plans and feelings was constant - one might say that they lacked tact, but those are weaker people because that honesty was never directed to be cruel rather than guiding.

i guess now that you are gone all i want to say is that i love you very much. i know how hard this is going to be for your daughters, your friends, your family and the community at large. you, anne, were a wonderful woman who inspired so much greatness around you. i can only hope that as i continue through life that you will still watch over me as well as everyone else and guide us so that we can remain people of whom you are proud.

halloween party

2007-10-29T08:05:00.000-05:00

there is very little that i can say about the halloween party that cannot be inferred from here: http://picasaweb.google.com/joshuamslade/Halloween

or i can say the following...

gene decided he wanted to be a mummy. apparently he had this childhood dream of one day dressing up as a scary mummy. i think it probably has something to do with a lack of love and the intense desire to be wrapped up tightly. or maybe it is a bondage thing. who knows except for gene and probably he doesn't have any idea, but a mummy was the plan. the plan took work. there was a lot of shopping. luckily we are crafty folk so we could make the costume. he was fairly well behaved during the costume construction. whenever he became too bossy or rude i would just make sure that the hot glue was pressed a bit too hard into the long underwear the strips were applied to resulting in a moment of pain. it took him four times to learn the lesson and hold his lips shut. ah, compliance. perhaps i should get into s&m...or not. in the end he looked great in his costume and totally unrecognizable.

higher ground was fantastic. there were tons of people in costume for a change rather than a handful of costumes and a ton of fags in their blue jeans and button downs. and there were great costumes all around. todd's weatherman costume was great. even jeff's "this is my costume so get over it" t-shirt was well executed with devil horns hiding his reciding hairline. my favorite though was not my gay nazi costume (weren't all the nazis gay and wasn't that the whole point - repressed sexuality run amuk?). my favorite were the sisters lehey - i am renaming them in the tradition of pirating everywhere. don, serena and mark were fantastic fake sisters lemay. they did not win the contest judged by the real sisters lemay, but probably only because they proved that the look could be done with style and some beauty. oh the bitterness.

there were also a group of zombies. perhaps a gaggle? or a herd? or a school? how about a yard? get it...a graveyard? yup, i am funny. the zombies were done wonderfully well by some local make up folks who deal with prostetics and realistic trama make up professionally. i was more scared by the one member of the crew who i know and still am not 100% sure he is not a jeffrey dahmer candidate. again, repressed sexualilty is an ugly monster that takes people to bad places often resulting in the unfortunate demise of themselves or those around them.

then there was the hot vampire. in fact i am still not entirely sure that she wasn't a real vampire just out for a night on the town. and of course there was some penis flashing. not mine this time. nope, i remain 100% pure and proper. well...i guess i might have gropped one boy next to the bar, but technically i know him and there was no exposed skin.

so the party goes on. gene gets hammered. scott and kyle get hammered. i am totally sober, of course. then i think...wow, i fell...oh no...wait...i am sitting...i am in the car...i cannot get these boots off my feet...where is my bed...ah...sleep...WTF? did i break open my head? i see bright light and there is a strange wet pulsing sensation on my cheek...oh...crap...it is morning...sputnik is licking my face...now his balls...now my face...gross...

ah yes the gay's halloween. a gay tradition everywhere. one night when we can get dressed up and be someone else. someone who is not dealing with our lives, our drama, our sins, our dreams, our realities or our mortgages. someone who gets live in that moment for one night of chaos and comedy. someone who does not care what is happening around the world or to the world but simply cares about the next song on the dance floor. someone who laughs at the person puking their guts out outside of the entrance and doesn't think - wow that person is completely embarassing themselves (no that wasn't me thank god). someone new and fun.

halloween - a time honored tradition among queers and theatre geeks

2007-10-19T08:57:00.001-05:00

sure there is christmas - the holiday that among american christians represents the traditional values of spendthrift and capitalism galore - but the biggest holiday for queers and theatre folk across the world is halloween, when we get the chance to don makeup and wild clothing without fear of second glance and hate crimes. so it makes sense that this is the one holiday i spend months with the naggingly aching thought in my brain of "what am i going to wear?"..

yes, the glorious celebration of all hallows eve a time when ghosts and college girls dressed as tramps reek chaos throughout burlington. the day when candy gives way to alcohol and dirty bumping and grinding. a night of dim lit dance floors and green glow sticks spinning through masses of horny adults. really a hallmark card cannot capture the spirit unless of course it comes in scratch and sniff.

so what am i going to wear? i thought about being a cowboy. that seems good. i could wear a hat, jeans and some cowboy like shirts (perhaps a wife beater underneath a snap button plaid shirt). maybe i could even find a bullwhip in time. or perhaps i should be an astronaut.

29 and a lot of miles

2007-10-05T09:40:00.001-05:00

today is my 29th (for real this time) birthday. yup, 29 years and still going. technically i am 30 as far as wear and tear go, but since we don't start out as 1 i still get an extra year to revel in my 20's. not a bad deal really.

so what happened this past year? do i actually feel older?

for the first time i have to say yes. this past year was all about growth and change. i saw a number of my friends get married, another friend had another baby, some friends solified their parenting roles and others maintained their lives without much change. watching all of this happen around me i made choices that not everyone understands.

i decided to leave a job that could have prompted a number of public service jobs for one that requires me to work hard and learn fast in order to work my way up the food chain. this is a decision that was based on a number of unpredictables and that i still struggle with during the times of my job that i feel completely useless in a sea of bureaucracy and policy.

i decided to adopt. probably the biggest decision yet but spurred on by my desire to be a parent, to help shape a life and to leave a legacy. of course my adopting is completely continguent upon someone realizing that i can be a parent even though i am single and in my 20's. this is a variable. okay, this is an obstacle, but one that i hope doesn't stop me from living a dream.

i learned this year the immense value of family. more than ever before actually. i learned this year that family is beyond blood or legal ties and delves deeply into the friendships that i create with those around me. my family this year grew into friendships that i value as much as i value my relationship with my traditional family.

i learned about friends this year. i learned to let go of friendships that were one sided and hurtful. i learned to embrace the friends that i have by sharing my thoughts, emotions and ambitions. i learned to be friends with gene regardless of what past fault i placed on him. i learned that my friends are the people i can talk to about anything and who i will listen to regardless of the time they call.

and this year i learned to accept myself. warts, boils, faults, depression, artistic creation, nerdiness, craziness and all. (okay, i do not have warts and boils, but i do have wrinkles and male pattern baldness.)

so, the past year was huge.

want to see photos from the night? go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/joshuamslade/29thBirthday

Notes on DC

2007-09-30T09:28:00.000-05:00

9.26.07
Welcome to Hell (or Virginia)
the train ride was unevetful as a train ride tends to be these days. no robbers or bums sleeping in a freight car. the food was nukedd by an oddly inefficient attenant with a speech issue. it was relatively quiet, but when you pay a premium i suppose you respect the premium of those arround you (remember this was only business class not the entitled ritz of first class).

the taxi was also as eventful as a taxi actually is in the world. my cabbie kept sleeping while driving. that is always fun, to be riding with a sleeping driver. the seatbest and sheer size of the car gave me some security until we crossed the potomac river. luckily he seemed extra aware of his duty at that point in time.

the hotel...oh, the hotel. my room is literally in the basement and it does not have a safety latch. but it is relatively clean.

later that night....

C.O.S. - written after one very strong jack and coke
wtf?!? why bother to attend a class which is already outdated for me? well because it seems one needs a ridiculous piece of paper to determine what you get to do at work. so for the price of extremem boredom i get out of the office occasionally. sounds like a deal.

so, should i be a d.c. town gay? it is tempting for odd reasons such as my desire to live a life so distant from that of my family. to live enveloped in history is beyond a dream and the variety of possibilities is almost endless...say nothing of the possibility of relationships. ah a city. a life that is counterintuitive that its draw pulls my soul at all angles. but of course, i would not be able to lead the life i would want to at least not until i found a great source of money. in this city money is a necessity.

so careers. (obviously...did you think i was going ot say where to marry rich?) what could i do in d.c.? or, for that matter, boston? well the baby is not going on hold so it would have to be a baby friendly pick and i could not afford to do nonprofit in a city like those. i'd have to do something "sell out" like actually becoming something like a lawyer or something.

relationships in btv. ha. i love the idea of the country life. trully that is my home deep down, but i fear that it would mean solo forever. so two plunges at once? r can i truthfully deal with a possible future of soloness indefinately? yeah...no answer for me either.

and of course there is the chance that the city would be nothing. all it would do is ruin my soul and make my baby a snob, oh wait, i'll probably make my baby a snob on my own. but a city how would a city influence me poorly? spend thrift times a million. buy, yay, culture infux. yet i get why the city is so tempting to a gay. sheer numbers alone. the breed possibility. unknown possibilities of a life that may only be dreamed because wherever, i will still be me and can only become who i am to belomce...hmmm...now a million "buts." how about: "drink more, think less."

9.27.07
oh boy. i am tired. i most certainly stayed out too late as well as walked way too far, but it was good. touring the city and the memorials was terrific. better yet i did it without distraction of the cell phone. i was certainly moved by the vietnam wall and statues. seeing the raw emotion of vets reading names, crying or solemnly standing obsoring was odd. i know that war damage never goes away, but i am so sheilded from it. now i understand it better. i understand the impact, life long sacrifice and the importance of honoring those who served. yes war is bad and yes our country wars too easily; however, the men and women who give themselves to the cause deserve our utmost respect regardless of our differing views.

the service in this hotel restaurant is awful. or at least my server is. as a point of note it should not take 15 minutes for a salad to arrive or 40 minutes for a panini especially when there are 20 people here most of whom sat after me and got their food before me.

the baby stuff has arrived which is very exciting. now, where is the baby? i wonder if the baby is conceived yet of if i am still waiting for an "oops" moment. it is funny to be so uncertain about something so huge. not uncertain due to the decision, but due to the unknown date of arrival. people keep saying that it is my pregnancy - gestation - but that has a definative time period whereas i am basically in the dark. oh well. the furniture is in and that is great. leo will love sleeping on it. maybe he'll get it out of his system so when the baby comes he doesn't go in the crib. yeah, right.

9.28.07
oh man. love mike and jeremy. hate (not really) the party nights with those boys. last night was super fun! jeremy picked me up at the hotel. we went to their house which is a lovely classic bungalow. it is a bit empoty, but that are gay men without children. so we chatted a bit and then went to dinner. great tex mex with huge margaritas. post dinner we started on the bar hops. of course we started at the boring pretentious gay bar full of pretty and successful boys talking about god only knows what. i decided that i needed to be somehwere much more fun, so i pushed for jrs. that was much better. i met a very attractive (read: pudgy, brilliant, handsome and short) greek dude to turned out to be a neurologist. really, a fucking neurologist who probably has the ability to make millions on top of millions of dollars and who prefers boton over d.c. it could well be that he is an actor the boys paid in their effort to get me to leave vermont. yes, there was the recurring "you should leave vermont. you are smart, attractive and young." but, d.d., what would i do in a place like this? be insane.

so, speaking of going insane, here is a list of the bars:
omega, apex, halo and jrs.

two thirty in the morning. yes, i have an exam soon, but does that stop jeremy and me? ha ha ha. no. luckily the closed doors on the bars kept us out.

the idea of family

2007-09-24T14:04:00.000-05:00

so i read today during my lunch hour. it was nice. it was, of course, an adoption book. actually i should not say of course because this is the first adoption book since i initiated the ban after the first four. anyway the chapter i read was about family. oh, i should explain.

as it turns out family relationships in nontraditional families such as gay and lesbian households can be more complicated for a child to discipher. the causes of this is not simply based on having two parents of the same sex, but due to the traditional family makeup of many gay and lesbians in the nation. see, most people are not as lucky as me. many of them have distant if not strained relationships with their biological family members. this leads to a blended family made up of friends rather than kin. apparently this can be confusing to a child, which makes sense.

regardless of this conversation which can be deep and complicated, it did make me think about my family and its development over the years. my kid will have a strong traditional family for sure as my parents, siblings, cousins, etc. are very involved in each other's lives. beyond the traditional family i also have a handful of very close friends who will gain titles to my child. there are going to be extra aunts and maybe an extra uncle or two. so this is a good thing. i realize the impact of nonfamily members in my childhood, the active role they played both directly and indirectly in my own development. i am excited that my child will benefit from my friends and their experiencal advice.

so, family, yeah, it is definately one of those cheesy topics that get all mushy quickly, but i am grateful for the fantastic montly crew of individuals who will be my child's extended family network - just do not ask me to draw the tree.

Elephant - A Fable in One Act

2007-09-17T12:34:00.000-05:00

I don't usually like these heartwarming stories, but this one is truly interesting...

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

random continued

2007-09-13T08:48:00.001-05:00

so this is apparently a new clearinghouse of my stupid ideas, but hell, it is a blog and that is what it exists for, right?

what makes me happy? what is it that i want to do with my life beyond being a parent that will allow me to look back when i am lounging on my death bed and feel content with the wake i left in my path. friends. family. success financially. social change. social benefit. art. these are the things that bring me the most happiness and the things that i want to leave behind. so how do i go about creating those elements in my life?

well friends are done. i have some of the best friends that i could ever possibly imagine. family is great too, plus soon there will be a wiggly little baby that will become the best newest addition to my life.

financial success...well someday i will learn how to balance my checkbook thereby having a lot more financial success. probably when the baby comes i will start to be fiscally responsible...hopefully anyways.

social change. currently i effect change through management of donations, but not on a grand scheme. perhaps i could join a board of directors for some non-profit or something that works towards social justice. unfortunately most of the causes i care about are causes that have a certain type of person who would be less than impressed with my style of approach and wardrobe (i dress in clothes manufactured by developing nations in what probably amount to sweat shops...). regardless, i am sure i can find some kind of board or committee that will take me on and don't answer to the adjective republican.

social benefit. see above. really, those hippies and "renegade down with the man" types would hate my approach and clothing. and i don't like hemp. it sits funny on my body making me appear fat or spherical. not my idea of a good time.

art. ah, art. maybe i should just throw this professionalism away and become a musician or a photographer. oh, or i could write stuff. yeah, because my command of the written word is amazing (sarcasm, fyi). actually if i dumped my normal job and took up a career in the arts i would be able to join a board because my clothing would rapidly deteriorate and i would fit the image of the social causes i like. i might even shave less. but of course i would be a singer in something of the vein of blues or jazz plus standards from the sinatra days, which would mean i would still have to be put together. dammit. if only i were a dirty hippie :)

random

2007-09-12T17:20:00.000-05:00

so it is wednesday evening. i am sitting in front of my computer rather than the television in order to shake things up a bit. actually i sit home a lot of nights just passing time, then i complain about getting older and not feeling that much was accomplished in those younger years. but this past year is different; however, i am going to save that for the birthday post.

so what am i doing on a wednesday at 6:20? well, i am sipping (not gulping or downing) some wine. it is nice and refreshing like grape juice, but not as good for you. well maybe it is but that really depends on your perspective and how much you trust the french. g.w. probably does not believe in the benefits of wine but he also sponsored freedom fries. honestly, how could so many people be so tragically stupid? anyway, back to me. i tried some emailing. that was dull. no one else is reading email at 6:20 p.m. i did some gardening earlier. something that needed to be done since july, but that i just did not get around to doing. just moving some stuff around so that it can root prior to the end of the growing season (i may be wrong, but whatever) and still thrive next summer. i cleaned. now i sit. i am bored. can you tell?

okay, i need to confess something and you should not think less of me because of it. one of my latest guilty pleasures is perezhilton.com which is a blog site of celebrity gossip run by an overweight hidious queen who renamed himself perez hilton and managed to grasp onto some fleeting fame. actually, he might be aptly named when i think of it that way. anywoo, he now has a show on vh1 which i do not get so i do not watch but i doubt my lack of vh1 is going to end his show. basically he is a loser with fame. again, these paris hilton parrells are amazing. so, back to my rant, what gets me is that he is able to gain fame through the selfish flogging of people he doesn't know because we as americans are so quick to join the band wagon so long as it makes us feel better about our lackluster lives. our lackluster lives which really are not all that lackluster at all. i mean, of those people who watch him, how many do you think live in a dark cave with nothing to do but watch a fat drunk queen bitch about people who earned fame through their talents?

(warning: this is an insane tangent...remember, wine) so what do i say? fuck it. let's make our lives exactly what we want them to be. let's get rid of our boring hum dum daily routines and do what makes us happy. for me? not sure. perhaps being a book reviewer. yeah. that would rock. or perhaps someone that works for a charity that actually pays well. i would love to help but not suffer at the same time. or marry well...oh right, that doesn't happen unless it is cinderella.

hmmm...what do you want to change?

singles party - a portrait

2007-09-06T13:21:00.001-05:00

Upon paying the nice smiley woman at the door you are handed two stickers with an identical number on each of them. "This is how people are able to iSpy you," she gleefully states while a twinge of pity flashes through her eyes. Pity, why? Perhaps she found love young and revels in the knowledge that she will return to a partner waiting for her to continue their life travels.

Enter the bar. It is fairly full, luckily not smoky although a pack of cigarettes would probably ease your nerves. Classic bar lighting keeps you from scowling - good for the wrinkles and perceived perception - except for an oddly bright area. Oh, it seems that the primary center of the singles party is lit up like a Christmas tree in NYC because you need to be able to see the numbers pasted loosely onto other singles clothing. Great idea party hosts. Corral a bunch of singles into a bar, give them alcohol, rely on bright unflattering down lighting and expect them to meet new and interesting people. Thankfully the bartender seems to be alert and ready to make you a drink. Alcohol will not only make the other people at the party more attractive, but it will dull the pain that will be shotgunning through your eyes once you step into the bright abyss of the singles party.

A large screen is the center of attention, nervous anticipating eyes scour it for mention of their black number...a connection that they desire. A singles party could well be the last hope of an increasingly anxious thirty something and the room reads of desperation. Of course you join them in the reading of passing comments. Ever watch someone type live? As it turns out the experience is not very fun but apparently more fun than meeting singles, you know, the entire reason you subjected yourself to this torture.

Finally, after two drinks you decide that you are full of alcohol and desperation, blinded and possibly sunburned by the UFO-mocking bright lights, and, quite simply, done with the night. Besides it is 8:30 p.m. and there are television shows to watch. You leave.

urinetown photos - credits: adam silverman

2007-08-30T13:19:00.000-05:00

Urinetown the Musical

2007-07-30T12:26:00.001-05:00

Colchester man plays a bleeding heart on and off the stage.

Joshua Slade, works for a statewide affordable housing nonprofit, whichpromotes, in addition to other things, green design and buildingstandards, water conservation and renewable energy resources. As thehero in the Stowe Theatre Guild production of Urinetown the Musical.

Josh, as Bobby Strong, seeks compassionate water conservation methods despite the heavy handed antics of a large corporation that spends hugesums of money buying legislators and police protection. Urinetown the Musical, a three time Tony Award® winner, pokes fun atcertain methods of water conservation, taxes, politics and love. Thisdelightfully funny musical comedy opens Wednesday, August 15 and runsWednesday through Saturday through September 1 at the Town Hall Theatrein Stowe. Curtain time is 8:00 p.m. All seats are reserved. Fortickets and information call 253.3961 or click onhttp://www.stowetheatre.com/.

changing yourself

2007-07-10T10:03:00.001-05:00

so someone said to me today that they think when someone is cheating it is because they are unhappy in their current situation. okay, that seems fine. then this person continued, "you should change yourself in order to make the other person happy." do we really have to change ourselves in order to expect another person to be faithful, open and honest in our relationship?

perhaps it is dear abby that made us all believe that there is something intrinsically wrong with ourselves when we find out that our partner is stepping outside the confidence of our relationship. dear abby was nearly 100 years old during her later advice years (probably not, but i am way too lazy to google her age). she was a product of a much earlier generation that believed in women's rights as far as voting and holding down a housekeeping job if necessary. much of her advice was based on historical depictions of women as the caring, nurturing hausfrau and not that of a dynamic intelligent worldly woman. well, she might have used the phrase worldy woman but i doubt it was used in a positive light.

so dear abby be damned. no one should have to change themselves in order to salvage a relatinship unless of course there is something pathologically wrong like abusiveness or some kind of dependency issue. why do we, as the ones being cheated on, have to do something about our behavior in order to prevent the cheating? doesn't this problem rest solely on the cheater and their inability to commit to a solid monogamous relationship? is society really that devualed that we believe that the victim of the infidelity must be doing something wrong?

have you ever tried to break a behavior pattern? something like smoking or chewing your nails? it was pretty hard right? well, imagine trying to isolate a behavior that you think may be driving away the love of your life, then changing it. then imagine what happens when you find out that the cheating continues. so, you start again because surely you as a smart independent person can find that magic solution if you try hard enough. you do everything, change everything only to discover that you are unhappy and a shell of the person that you were before. still what happens? late night meetings or unexplained absenses.

you can turn a blind eye, which is probably the preference of many, or you can get pissed off. here you are, freaking out at your inability to keep another human being satisfied and happy by just being yourself, and they are out screwing the city. who needs to change?

so, never again suggest that the problem lies with the victim of cheating. the problem lies with another person's insecurity and desire to find their self worth in the eyes of many through meaningless sexual contact with the masses. no one should change themselves when they find their partner stepping out. they should simply hit the real estate market and continue with their lives.

alum

2007-06-12T08:01:00.000-05:00

this weekend was my 10th high school reunion. all i have to say is that most of the people i went to school with are bastards...but luckily there were a few nice people in the mix as well. here are some photos.

the first is a picture of me driving down. i look optimistic.

so here we are...all three of us. my class had around 70 folks who graduated. we lost a few to teenage pregnancy...a few who failed out...but still there were 70 people invited to this event...three showed up.

it technically was not breaking and entering. just entering. this music lab did not exist when i went to school at bbs. now it does. what is funny is that this used to be the boys locker room area. now it is filled with future fags and fag hags. oh if the jocks could see their beloved room full of internalized homoerotic dreams...

this piano did exist...and it was never in a room of teenage hormones...well except for this one play. we were all backstage in this "green room" dressed in cheesy outfits. there were definately some raging hormones. anyway...

ah the memories of

playing a steinway. this old gal is slightly neglected now and out of tune.

bbs never really did appreciate a classic.

ah, sleep, drunken sleep. i survived...thank you jack.

to my graduating cousin

2007-06-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

dear blair:

it seems like yesreday you were wearing olivia's dolls clothes, playing ninja turtles or power rangers, pushing olivia off the deck, watching bareny and so forth. (yeah, never introduce me to a girlfriend.)

at anyrate enjoy college. remember that mashed potatos are cheap and filling. cheap beer will get you just as drunk. soroity girls should be avoided, frats are full of homophobes and the library is where all the real action takes place.

also remember that there is a strong chance that what you set out to do will not be what you end up doing. g.w. just wanted to drive fast, take drugs and get rich - somehow he ended up president. moral? aim low and end up on top...just kidding. the moral is that, honestly, life is just starting. you are about to start living for real. keep an open mind and be willing to adapt, constantly learn and grow.

okay, that's all for now. oh, wait, if you need bail money, call aunt dawn - she'll keep the secret. oh, and do not do drugs or join a cult.

much love-
josh

chicago

2007-05-25T11:41:00.001-05:00

Chicago – AmTrak
Ever travel across the country on a train? Nah, me either. Really who in this century would consider a bumpy train ride for 20 hours when you can simply get onto an airplane and end up on the other coast in less than 6 hours? Well, freaks like me would definitely do something like that. Indeed, I jumped the train in Albany, NY – slightly out of the way considering it took me a few hours to get to the station – and ended up in Chicago, Ill. Yes, the Windy City, or is it the City of Brotherly Love? I forget, but I am here sitting on my ass waiting for my “connection” to St. Louis, MO. Honestly, I do not even have a clue what the motto of St. Louis, MO is, but I imagine it’s rich in some midwester dialogue.
So the train…yes, it is just as one might imagine it, except there are some fun extra perks and minor inconviences. Let me start with the beginning and work my way though to this waiting room.
I arrive in Albany around 5:30 p.m. which is 1.5 hours earlier than my scheduled departure. Being slightly used to the strip search NSA airport model I was mildly nervous that I would be too late – of course this is coming from the boy that arrived only 15 minutes prior to his last flight and still managed to get on the plan – but I wasn’t. In fact I had tons of time to chill out, drink coffee, do the People magazine crossword puzzle and wish I was later than in reality. The good news was that I could board earlier than expected, so that was sweet. I had to walk all the way to the front of the train where my sleeper car sat on the tracks. Yes, I ordered up the sleeper car, not the delux bedroom rather the standard sleeper with two cots, a sink, a toilet and a nearby shower.
The sleeper is pretty swank and comes with my very own timeshared steward. He could do all my dirty work for me like lowering the bunk and brewing me coffee. As it turns out I received free meals because I paid extra for the sleeper. Not a bad perk considering I would probably spend about $30 on food while aboard. I quickly called my mom and Gene telling them about the exciting “room.” I had to pee, but I wasn’t ready for that scary thing quite yet. First I needed to eat and drink some Jack. So off I went to the dining cart.
The dining cart was actually nicer than some chain restaurants I have eaten at in the past few years. There was silverware (no longer allowed on planes), a table cloth and an actual menu with options. Plus it had something that airlines long since lost – human interaction. Strangers sitting together at a table talking about their trip, their lives and whatever else they felt comfortable discussing with each other. I even tried my hand at stranger interaction with my tablemate a middle aged black woman who was off to Chicago to take care of a newborn child. She told me about her trip to Israel and suggested I go there sometime. “It is especially poignant if you are a student of the bible,” she said. Oddly enough these were essentially her last words to me – either she noticed I ordered a Jack and Coke or she noticed I did not bow my head in prayer before ravenously devouring my cheese ravioli.
Feeling slightly giddy from the Jack I went back to the room. Now I had to use the toilet which was conviently located next to my bed… After fighting with the stupid curtain that was my only privacy from the hallway and while humming gently to mask the sounds of people walking not 2 inches from my bathroom sanctuary I managed to pee. Excellent. This sleeper room is officially mine. I played on my computer a bit and decided it was time to hit the hay. Plus that overhead pulldown bed thing was really calling my name. What an adventure.
Okay, I lasted about 5 minutes in the cot from hell. Really it seems cool, but it isn’t at all. It is tiny and every time the train takes a corner I felt my body lunge towards the edge and the fall that certainly would result in pain. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the most fitfull sleeper on the earth. I roll, kick, talk, snore, stand, dance and sing in my sleep. A 18 inch wide cot was not going to save me from a 5 foot fall to a broken leg. So I make the chairs into a bed, pull down the other bedroll and settle in for the night. I slept. I woke up somewhere in Illinous to scenes of horses in fields and pototoe (hee hee hee) farmers.
Realizing that sleep was not going to be an option I decided to get coffee, take a trucker shower and hang out a bit longer. Trucker shower didn’t cut it because I knew that while in coach I would probably start to smell. So off to the shower room… Ever take a shower on a moving object? You know, get all soapy, wet and then thrown against the walls? It is just as much fun as it sounds, and it gets even better when the hot water dies midshower. But at least I got clean and my bodily odors will not offend any neighbors in the coach sardine can trip from Chicago to St. Louis.
Amazingly enough I even have cell service. Excellent cell service. There I was halfway across the country with nothing I would call civilization around me and for some reason I am rocking 5 bars. So I spend the next few hours on my phone, doing crossword puzzles and eating my free breakfast. The train rocks.

the most embarassing date of my life

2007-05-10T21:33:00.000-05:00

tonight i had a date. actually it is my third date with a nice southern boy in law school. i was excited about the date, and not because of the slightly explicit text messages sent on the car ride back from montreal last week, but because this boy is great.

so i prepare for the date...sort of. i took a nap in my underwear and tee shirt in front of two fans with my cat because vermont suddenly decided to go through an identity crisis and become the desert or something. then i dressed in a great cute outfit of cords, flip flops and a casual, yet dressy, sweater which i bought yesterday for six dollars. i drive to montpelier. we selected montpelier because it is equodistant from both our homes. and we picked a nice restaurant which i will never be able to go to again.

things are going great. i arrive early. grab a seat at the bar, order a beer, listen in on my neighbors conversation and play on my cell phone. my date arrives and we get shown to the back of the restaurant to a nice table for two. i choose the seat where i was facing out - mistake one. we chat. he tells me horrible date stories. i tell him i do not have any, which was still true up to that point. we continue with conversation and i notice a slight tickle in my throat. "well there is nothing more soothing than a sip of beer," i internally boast. right - mistake two.

the microsecond that fuzzy shit hits the back of my throat i cough. and not a nice gentle beer spilling onto my lap cough - no - i make the mistake of trying to hold it in. this causes the beer to shoot through my pursed lips and go directly into my dates face, the guy sitting behind him's meal and the guy sitting adejacent to me side. beer became my enemy. i immediately turn four hundred shades of red and start sweating like a monsoon in thailand. seriously the shit is pooring off of me. i immediately apologize to everyone around me offering to buy them anything. internally i just want to run. run like forest gump who obviously was more intelligent than i could ever dream of being.

what do you do? dying simply was not an option as my heart decided that it also wanted to join my throat in tormenting me. the butter knives are dull. the table is too small to hide behind. there is no escape and less of a chance of saving face.

amazingly my date laughs this all off. probably because he also ran the odds and could find no way out. the date continues. i recover slowly only to be constantly reminded by the snide comments of the jerk sitting behind my date. i look at my fork and imagine it sticking out of his neck after he makes some mocking gay gesture (apparently after major public embarassment my tolerance for ignorance and gay bashing is low). finally he leaves.

"i can salvage this night the best way i know how," my brain tells me. "i'll pay for dinner," my mouth tells my date. all is good. this too can be forgiven by simply throwing money at it. at least i am classy enough to pay for dinner after i spew beer all over his face. i hand my card to the waitress. she returns without the slip. apparently after two failed attempts to run my card she gave up. i of course have no other form of payment. apparently god hates me.

my date pays.

weddings - what's all the hub-bub or life plans part three

2007-05-08T12:15:00.000-05:00

so it seems to be the year of the wedding. in fact, i never had so many friends get married within a one year span in my life. seriously. perhaps it is just because i am at that age when everyone gets married - everyone who had a life plan that did not explode in their face. or, a less bitter approach, perhaps their life plan did explode in their face but it ended in marriage.

my life plan involved getting married rather quickly. i made this plan at the ripe old age of ten, because, really, what ten year old boy doesn't sit down with his sister's barbie dolls and dream of his wedding? i grew envious as i watched barbie walk down the aisle to the music of madonna's like a virgin. ken, pantless next to skipper the pastor, waited anxiously for his soon to be bride. marital bliss filled the wall to wall carpeting of the living room and after a resounding kiss they lived happily ever after. so my plan was simple - married at 21, children around 25 and continue being the joy of life until death. sounds simple right?

i attended college. you know that story already. well, you do not know the part where i flunked out, moved back home for six months, got a job offer from the american red cross where i did my work study, moved back to burlington, lived with a crazy woman, met this great girl named maura, went to a party and met gene. there you go. six months and three very major life events in one run one sentence - readers digest would be proud. anyway, there was gene day sitting on a couch. he seemed to be the only normal boy around, well not quite a "boy" but at least in his twenties, even if we are talking late twenties. he was kind, sarcastic, intelligent, employed, funny and reasonably attractive. i was young, slightly drunk and willing to give it a try. we connected in a bibical way, but there was something else there at the same time. a feeling that i had which i had not experienced before as strongly as i was experiencing it then. we connected on a different level. a few months later while drinking profusely at the local gay dive we coined the phrase "you're my favorite" mostly because i thought it was too weird to actually say i love you - or at least while he was awake.

life continued. we had a number of bumps in the relationship but over all i still loved him. we bought a house. we survived a near death experience for me. i finished college. i got a "real job." then the trouble started. for some reason we just were not happy with each other, but we still loved each other. i knew that i had failed. i knew that the future i had planned for him and me was completely gone by the wayside and that i would have to start completely over again.

how could i have failed? what did i do wrong? what did he do wrong? could one of us had saved the relationship through some effort? technically (after a fair amount of therapy) we were not the failure. i believe the line goes something like, "the relationship failed on its own, not as the result of any one party or their actions." apparently, unbeknownst to the little boy planning his wedding with his sister's barbies, that relationships are fluid and it only takes one small diversion to move the relationship away from its intended future. gene and i, although still the best of friends, could no longer be in a relationship together because our goals did not mesh. so, all my friends, were they that unlucky?

obviously not. somehow all these folks got to their goal. their relationships worked. lucky for me though at each wedding there was at least one person who was like me. someone else to talk to about the ridiculous of relationships and the work involved to maintain them. someone else who just hadn't healed the burns of past relationships regardless of the drugs and therapy they underwent. someone else who laughed at the divorce jokes or mentioned the divorce rate during the speeches. we formed a club.